She could tell by the look on my face that I was about to cry and it wasn’t going to be a tear or two. It was going to be the UGLY CRY. The kind of cry that once you start, you can’t stop. I was fighting so hard to hold it back, but it was coming and there was nothing I could do to stop it.
I didn’t think it would be like this. I was excited when I got the email informing me that I was selected to participate in a national leadership program with a cohort of people from across the country. This program would help me get to the next level in my career. I figured I would take a leadership assessment and then work with an executive coach on the areas where I needed to improve. It was about advancing my career. It wasn’t personal. Or so I thought.
I realized during my first coaching session that it was going to be very different from what I expected. She asked me a lot of questions. Personal questions. Questions about my interests, my habits, my passions, my destiny, and about my faith. I barely made it through the first session. My eyes were filled to the brim with tears and I could hardly contain the pain. It was too personal. But I made it through the first session. I was relieved.
We weren’t far into the second session when I felt the tears coming. I knew she could see what was happening. It was apparent. She had so many questions. She wanted to know so much about me. And then she asked me, “What do you think your purpose is? What do you think you were put on this earth to do?” It happened. The UGLY CRY. The kind of cry that once you start, you can’t stop.
She was professional. She let me cry. Then very politely she said, I’m an executive coach and there are boundaries to the things I can help you with”. She recommended I find a counselor or therapist to help me work through whatever issues I was dealing with. Clearly something was going on with me. And it was much deeper than my DISC Assessment.
At that point in my life, conversations about purpose or calling (as we say in the church) required me to talk about a part of MY STORY (my life) that was buried so deep in my soul that any attempt to resurrect it resulted in great pain and agony. And so, I didn’t. I focused on building my career and completely shut God out of the process. It was easier that way. I didn’t want to talk about what happened to anyone. Not even to God.
I decided to take my coaches suggestion and found a Christian counselor to help me do the work necessary to OWN MY STORY. I’m so glad I did. I learned a lot about myself and about God during the experience.
One of the most important things I learned about God during this period of my life was – HE IS FAITHFUL. Even when I gave up and went in another direction, He was still there – waiting for me. His desire and commitment to see me fulfill my purpose is so strong that he orchestrates moments and events in my life to remind me that the girl I was so many years ago is still there. He reminds me that OWNING MY STORY (my life) is important and worth the effort of being told.
“For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus” (Philippians 1:6 NASB).
Karris
#shesstillthere #livingingodsgrace #godsgrace