Author: jacksonkarris@gmail.com

In 2009, I had the opportunity to visit Beijing, China. While in Beijing, one of my colleagues arranged for us to visit the Great Wall of China. When we arrived, I was amazed at the length of the wall. It kept going and going as far as the eye could see. Our tour guide said the Great Wall of China spanned over 4,000 miles. I was also amazed at how steep parts of the Wall are. Sections of the Wall are so steep you feel like you’re literally walking up a wall. The bus dropped us off and was going to pick us up a few miles from where we started. At least that’s what I thought.

So, we started walking

After going up and down a few of the steep sections of the wall, I asked our tour guide, “How far is it to the end?”. He said, “The entire hike is about 22 miles”. I couldn’t believe my ears. I couldn’t believe that my colleague signed me up to do a 22-mile hike on the Great Wall of China. Most of the people in our group were in good physical condition and could complete the hike, but not me. There was no way I could do it.

There was no way I could to make it to the end

I asked our tour guide if I could go back and they could pick me up when they were done, but he said I couldn’t go back. He said there was no way the bus could come back to pick me up. I asked him if there was a short cut through the village below and he said there was, but I might get lost and they would have no way to find me.

And so, I keep walking forward

Because I couldn’t turn back

I couldn’t keep up with my group and eventually lost sight of them. At one point, I was so mentally and physically exhausted that I stopped and started to cry. I didn’t know how I was going to make it to the end. I remember thinking they were going to need a helicopter to get me out of there. I couldn’t go any further. I was about to give up when I was approached by two villagers who offered to HELP me. There was no talking. No exchange of words. They took my hands and walked with me.

And I eventually made it to the end

When I finished the 22-mile hike and was on the bus headed back to our hotel, I remember the range of feelings I experienced throughout the day. Feelings of pain, sadness, hopelessness, fear, embarrassment, exhaustion, gratefulness, and eventually excitement when I made it to the end.

The truth is… I wouldn’t have made to the end of without their HELP

And I wouldn’t have made it this far in life without God’s HELP

Just like my hike on the Great Wall of China, I’ve been through some really challenging times. Times when I’ve wanted to give up and quit. Times when all I could do was stop and cry. There have even been times when I’ve wanted to go back or take a short cut because going forward seemed impossible.

But, just when I’m about to give up

When I’ve reached the end of my own abilities 

MY HELP always comes

God doesn’t come when I want him to

He doesn’t even come when I think He should

But, He always shows up

Right on time

Dear Lord,

Thank you for always coming to my rescue. Thank you for being my refuge, my strength, and an ever-present HELP in the time of trouble.

karris

“God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble” (Psalm 46-1, New International Version)

 

A few weeks ago, I was participating in a fellowship for women and the topic was forgiveness. Before I went, I had a conversation with myself. I told myself not to say anything. I told myself to sit there and listen. But it was hard. And when I opened my mouth to share, I couldn’t hold back the tears.

The truth is… it’s hard for me to talk about forgiveness

It’s hard for me to talk about forgiveness because something happened, almost twenty years ago, that still haunts me. As much as I try to forget, it always resurfaces. It always finds a way to creep back into the crevice of my thoughts. And when it does, I get mad. I get mad at the people who let me down. I get mad at myself for being so young and naïve. And I get mad at God for letting it happen.

The truth is… I’ve held on to these feelings of “unforgiveness” for the last twenty years

And I don’t want to let them go

I don’t want to let them go, because I’ve been taught that nothing is free – everything has A PRICE

And THIS can only be resolved when someone pays the PRICE

The facilitator of the women’s fellowship didn’t let me off the hook. She wouldn’t let me sit with my feelings of “unforgiveness”. She told me to let it go.

But I couldn’t

So, I left the women’s fellowship holding on to my “unforgiveness”

The other day, I was going through some pictures in my garage and came across this picture. A picture of my baptism. I looked at the picture and then put it away. But I couldn’t get it off my mind. Later that day, I was reflecting on my baptism and thinking about the words my pastor said right before my body was immersed in the water. He asked me, “Do you believe in Jesus Christ and Jesus Christ alone for the free pardon of your sins”? And I said, “Yes”.

I thought to myself…How can I believe Jesus died for my sins and still hold myself, other people, and God hostage for the payment

The truth is… I can’t

 Jesus already paid the PRICE

The facilitator was right – I need to let it go

So, I release everyone I’m holding hostage. Including myself. Including God

I release everyone who has let me down, broken a promise, violated me with their words or actions, used me, hurt me, or disappointed me

I release myself from the prison of guilt and shame that I’ve lived in for the last twenty years

And I release God from the shackles I’ve “tried” to place on Him in my life

Every time the feeling of “unforgiveness” creeps its way back into my mind, I remind myself that the PRICE has been paid. I don’t have to hold people hostage for things they do to me and I don’t have to hold myself hostage for my failures and shortcomings.

I remind myself…it’s already been PAID

PAID IN FULL

“This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins” (1 John 4:10, New International Version)

This is a picture of my husband and me. This is US. The picture was taken in 1999 at the wedding of our friends. My husband was the best man and I was the maid of honor. We first met in 1997 when my friend started dating his friend. You know how that goes.  It’s the inevitable question. Do you have a friend for my friend? I can still remember our first double date. It was twenty years ago. When my oldest daughter first saw this picture, she asked US, “who are these people”? When we told her, “it was US”, she didn’t believe it.

The truth is…I don’t recognize these people either

When I look at them, I don’t know who they are

So much has happened since this picture was taken. We got married and I got a bonus son. We had a daughter and then another daughter. Then, a year after our youngest daughter was born, our son had a son. And now we’re grandparents. Yes, there is someone who calls me Grandma and my husband Grandad.

And it makes US happy

There’s been jobs and new jobs. Cars and new cars. We’ve watched our siblings get married and had front row seats to the birth of ten nieces and nephews. We’ve painted entire apartment buildings together and we’ve gone on more cruises than I can count.

The truth is… there’s been some good times, but there’s been some not so good times too

There was that one year when we couldn’t stand each other. The year when I said up and he said down. When I said right and he said left. When I said blue and he said green. For some reason, we just couldn’t get on the same page that year.

But somehow… we made it through

And here we are…twenty years from our first date

 At first, I thought I didn’t recognize the people in the picture because my husband and I have put on a few pounds over the years. Okay, a little more than a few. But that’s not it. I don’t recognize the people in this picture, because they don’t exist anymore. The people in this picture were individual people with individual purposes living individual lives.

They’re not US

In 2004, when my husband and I were married, those two-individual people became one. We are now living one life – together with one purpose. I’m just beginning to understand what that really means. What it means to have a life so interconnected with someone else that you literally become one.

The truth is… I’m glad we are not those people anymore

I like who we’re becoming – I like US 

“For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24 NASB)

Karris